so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
So many bounce houses so little time
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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