you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
