She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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