I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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