drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
