I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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