You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
