i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
