There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
