why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
