just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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