I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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