Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
