He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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