i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
