rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize