let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
