We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
