mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
