this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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