6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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