just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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