i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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