Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
