the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
