Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
