He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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