I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize