i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Holy shit dude........stairs
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