16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
