Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize