So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
