you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
