There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
