let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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