Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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