the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
