dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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