The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
