garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
