Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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