I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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