my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
