my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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