I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
