Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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