Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Do vagina's smell?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
