my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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