I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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