yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
