I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize