Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
