Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
