I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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