as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
