Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
