Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
