Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
