Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
