I feel like I'm in dance class right now
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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