Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
