dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
