I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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