she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
