I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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