guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
jump out the window naked night went bad
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
