you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize