This is not my ceiling
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
