Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
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