I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
