It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
